Chapter Two... Fall

"Sometimes people wake up feeling somehow stricken, and your heart beats so quick that it hurts. I might be because of a cruel dream; not a nightmare, those make you wake up on sweat."

"I'm standing on the edge of a 70 mt. height waterfall  in my hometown, and I'm arranging two video cameras; one recording the fall of the water and the other recording me. I'm speaking to one of the cameras: "this is the end, I chose this as I'm finishing everything. There will be no more silly illusions and thoughtful pain" and I cut my arms, I'm killing myself. Then I jump off from the edge just to make sure that I'll die. I'm falling, but I see myself through the cameras while I'm falling. I can see my blood falling slower than the rest of my body floating around my arms. The air feels warm, there is no wind and I'm taking the time to breathe deeply for the last time. 

I'm half way down when suddenly I feel like flying, that I'm not falling anymore which only had happened in my dreams. I try to control it fearing this is only in my mind and my body is actually rushing to the furious water of the deep. But no,  I feel like I'm floating in the air with my arms open and still bleeding. I scream. Then I realize that my arms are healing. I wouldn't die now, the bleeding had stopped and there I was, Not falling anymore. 

It feel like I was controlling that "flight", Night starst to cover the scene with stars and a full moon.I wandered flying as I was actually doning, when a sudden thought of her came to me. I was going there, to her house actually!

I stop in front of her window and pull out a cigarrete, my hands are shaking, trembling. I shout her name, calling her, I scream a a rush of anger, nerves, sadness, tears, smoke. I Cry. I feel that I'm not dead but that I don't exist either. Or at least not for her. I'm falling again".